She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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