I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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