Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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