I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
