My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
