I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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