and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
