u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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