whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
