i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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