The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sober January is a disaster.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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