What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
