I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
