I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
