last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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