i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she peed on how many people?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
