your parents love me but you hate me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
