I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
