How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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