I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
