The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
