i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
