so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
