so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
