He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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