my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
