At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize