PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
