You're completely useless in the revolution.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dick very happy bro
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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