Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
