Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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