So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
