Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
