3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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