Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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