You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This toilet bowl is my home.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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