this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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