i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
