Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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