She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
