i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
