But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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