forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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