I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
