8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
