Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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