At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
