Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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