So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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