just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
