the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
