she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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