It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
