I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
