Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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