Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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