you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
