I love black thongs
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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