How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
