Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
