yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
