I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
