Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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