it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
