everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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