Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
