You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
