yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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