He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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