im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
