I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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