Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
