im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
