I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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