He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
