Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
