I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
