I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize