i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
