why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
