he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
